December 13, 2018

Girl on Mission 4

On Tuesday I had an appointment with my shrink, and when I mentioned my upcoming missions trip she went on a tirade about how much she loathed India. She said it's the most depressingly horrible place she's ever visited. She then stated someone like me will be absolutely miserable. Not uncomfortable or challenged, but absolutely miserable. All this from a professional who's entire job is to help keep my anxiety in check.

She's not the first person to say something slightly less than encouraging. Just this morning someone I don't even know said, "I hope you have an iron stomach. A friend of mine went on a missions trip there and had bad GI symptoms the whole time. Still had a good time, though."

Still had a good time, though ...

Every day a new challenge hits me in the gut. Like the amount of medication I'm having to ingest. If you know me, then you know I'm super weird about pharmaceuticals. It's taken me years to surrender to anti-depressants. I can't tell you how much I suffered from heavy, suicidal darkness because I refused to be "a pawn of the pharmaceutical companies" or to "poison my body."

Anyway, this...  (not including the hep-a shot that gave me a rash)

I know I sound like baby. But that's my point! I'm a huge baby. I prefer the luxury of my comfort zone rather than the vast unknown. But I heard the call. The relentlessly loving and challenging call of God that's impossible to ignore ...

Somewhere deep in my heart, I know this trip will be amazing. Spending time with fellow Christians in one of the toughest, most harrowing places will be an enormous blessing. Helping those orphans will be an even larger blessing.

And if I die from malaria or cholera or typhoid at least I will have gone out reaching my goal weight.

December 1, 2018

Girl on Mission 3

So ... last night my husband just out of the blue starts playing a movie without consulting me or having any sort of discussion/argument. I found this odd since we usually spend at least an hour scrolling through our lists on Netflix, Amazon and Hulu, making sure we're selecting the best possible movie ever made by anyone ever.

I grabbed the remote, hitting pause, and asked, "What's this movie even about?"

I know I sound controlling and annoying, but we've had some "issues" with my husband's movie picks in the past, i.e. He Never Died and The Boy and His Dog. He's been put on movie-picking probation on a few occasions. He openly admits some of his choices have been questionable. Some have been dreadful. And he's an editor, guys.


He tells me, "It's a movie about missionaries who went into the Amazon during the 1950s. It's called The End of the Spear."

"Ugh. Is it a documentary?"

I mean, you really have to be in the mood for those.


I settled down and said, okay, fine. Why not? I'm going to India in 28 days, maybe this flick will inspire me. It's based on a true story. I've been talking about the Amazon for a while. Not because I want to go there (Dad), but because it's fascinating and enormous and they've found the ruins of ancient cities tucked away under the dense canopy of trees.


About a third of the way into the movie, the missionaries finally make first contact with the native tribe they've been trying to meet with for years.

And then this happens:


All five of the missionaries are killed. The End.

No, that's not really the end. It was actually a beautiful story about how the wives and children went back and lived with the tribe, teaching them about a loving God who doesn't want us to kill each other.

I woke up laughing at my husband's either ironic sense of support or his cluelessness. Look, I'm not worried about getting killed. Come on, I'm not that hyperbolic. But I am worried about the trip--like having explosive diarrhea and dying of malaria--and would like to be encouraged rather than terrified. 

So, if you have any movie recommendations where people don't die, let me know!

Already on list even though I've already seen:
- Slumdog Millionaire
- Lion 

Again, if it's on your heart to donate to this trip, here's the link. Otherwise, keep on praying for me!