April 13, 2020

Will we ever live life outside our homes again?

I don't know about you, but I'm compelled to get these thoughts out of my head and into the world. Words are how I connect with others. I don't know why I'm explaining myself to you. You guys already know this about me. And if you don't, well, hi, I'm Simone and I'm a writer with no filter.

The impetus that triggered this blog post was one of those facebook memory thingys in my newsfeed. Last year on this day, I was in Lisbon with these amazing ladies. 
 
 
This year I'm sitting in my new home in North Carolina wondering what the hell happened. Is the entire world really going through the exact same thing? Is this really a worldwide pandemic? Is it ever going to end? Will I'll ever get to go back to Lisbon. Or travel with people again. Will I get to visit Bruges or Vienna? Why does my husband have to love potato chips so much? Does he have to talk on speaker phone? Will Cali ever stop barking at the mail person? Will the book I'm writing even see the light of day?

Last night, I cried when I saw my friend's beautiful daughter on FaceTime because it really hit me that she won't have a prom or graduation. She won't get to walk across a stage to get her diploma. I was really stoned at both of those events, but I still remember them and cherish the memories to this day. How strange that she won't get to experience either rite of passage. 
 
Then this morning I cried again when I saw videos of another friend's daughter's 13th bday celebration in Seattle. In one of the videos, I saw my sister and her daughter (who live in Seattle) drive by to give birthday wishes. These two girls have been besties since diapers, side-by-side for so many things. Yet there they were posing for a picture six feet apart. How sad they can't even hug each other on this milestone birthday.

Throughout this madness, I've been holding onto my faith like a warrior. I'm not in fear about what's going on. I truly believe God is good and that he is in control. I know with all of my heart he will take this mess and make something good. But today, I'm grieving. Over the loss of the simple things that bring us together -- in person, not on zoom or FaceTime. Personally, I miss hugging friends. Making travel plans. Sitting in coffee shops with strangers. I miss my parents who are closer now but I cannot visit.

I've also been struggling with is this young adult book I've been working on. As I trudge through the colossal and diabolical amount of edits, it seems so surreal. I mean ... my main character is in high school. In a real classroom. She's going to parties. Preparing for prom and graduation. Getting ready to go away to college. 
 
I keep wondering: Is any of this ever going to happen again?
 
Will we ever live life outside our homes again?

Of course we will. 
 
It will probably look different. And that's okay.
 
I'm sure we'll look back and appreciate this special moment in time. One of the greatest things about humans is our ability to adapt. I've seen this in your posts. In my support group meetings. With my church. 
 
But today, I'm emotional about the way things are. And I guess that's okay too. 

I'm sending love and prayers to all of the people suffering financial loss during this time. I'm lifting up the hospital workers and all of the people out in the world keeping things running on a daily basis. I'm praying that all of us can find peace and comfort in the one true God who provides it sufficiently. 

My heart,
Simone